Mirror Mirror

December 31, 2006 at 2:36 am 4 comments

When I was a young teen I used to sit in front of the mirror and try to imagine what my mother looked like. I would squint my eyes, morph my face, imagine myself older in order to get a glimpse of what she might look like. Sometimes I would even pretend I could walk through the mirror and meet her, step into her house and sit down and have a conversation.

Biology matters to me. I know to some people it doesn’t. Those who have not walked in our shoes, to me, have no right to claim it doesn’t matter. They have had the luxury of knowing who they look like. Those who have been down my path and say it doesn’t matter, well, I have to respect their position but I totally do not understand it. It was torture for me to not know who I looked like. When I finally got that first picture of her, just two years ago when I was 36, it was not what I expected. See, I had always just imagined her as my twin. In fact, as odd as this sounds, I imagined her younger than me because she was frozen in time as a 20 year old. She was 20, she was my mother, she relinquished me and I never saw her again so therefore her existence froze in my mind until we could meet. It was odd to open that envelop and see an older woman. There were things that were very familiar, very similar, but she was not my twin. She didn’t have my thick strawberry blond wavy hair or my fair skin – both of which I got from my paternal grandmother. She did have funky glasses, a fun hairdo and was dressed in black – very similar to me. But physically I had to reach a bit.

My father thought I was the spitting image of him. In fact, he sent me a picture of himself as a child and we do look a lot alike. But I don’t see it as adults. I see myself as a combination of both of them. But at least I see myself fitting well on either side.

I have a wonderful photo of me standing between my mom and my aunt – and I fit. I fit perfectly. I can SEE it and I’ll tell you, it’s an amazing site. In a sense it even validates my existence.

To me my son looks like a combo of me and his father. Other people have said he looks exactly like his dad. He does have my hair color and my trademark dimples (one on one side and two on the other). But I’ve had so many people comment on this – even one relative say “boy, I bet if you hadn’t been there at his birth you wouldn’t even know he’s yours” – blech. So it’s very endearing to me when I get those few comments about how he has this of mine, or that of mine. Both of my husbands brothers are in town this weekend and one of the first things one of them said to me was that he could see both of us in him. That he was definitely a combination of the two of us. Now I know, and I tell myself regularly, that my son IS his own person. But I have to admit it’s nice to be recongized in him and it’s nice that it’s a combination because we both love him so much. I hope someday he looks in the mirror and likes what he sees – being a little bit of both.

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Entry filed under: adoption.

1st xmas sans afamily MY APARENTS SUCK

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. joy21  |  December 31, 2006 at 8:54 pm

    I don’t really look like my natural family either, there are definetly parts, but no twinsies.

    My best friend and I actually look similar (you can see her on my myspace page, in the green jacket) we could (and have) use each others ids.

    I asked my best friend if she didn’t think it was odd that I looked more like her than my mother or sister, and she said, while you don’t look like them, you do look related, you make “sense” with them.

    Reply
  • 2. reunionwritings  |  January 2, 2007 at 8:16 am

    There are a lot of people who want to think that genetics don’t matter, I was amazed at how much is genetic.

    Knowing who you look like and where you come from is vitally important.

    I expected my daughter to look more like me too, she does look and sound like me though.

    Reply
  • 3. MaeDay  |  January 3, 2007 at 3:05 am

    Genetics do matter and it does show up in groupings. My husband has 8 siblings. Some look like the dad’s side, some like the mother and some a mix. Put them all in a group and smile at the genetic thread that links them all.

    My relinquished son is a blend of both parents. Sometimes I see my dad in him too.(his gfather)

    I’m glad you fit right between your Aunt and nmom. I don’t look a lot like my mom or dad but one sister and me do mirror eachother..that’s cool too.

    Reply
  • 4. Moore  |  March 9, 2010 at 2:13 pm

    i wish you were still blogging.

    Reply

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