MY APARENTS SUCK

There really is no other title that I could think of to suit this post. For those who read my “1st xmas sans afamily” – well, the saga continued and has now ended.

Before I go into it, I want to give a GREAT BIG THANK YOU to my friends IRL – which to me means all of you. You are all part of my real life. Those who I get to see face to face and those who I only see a picture and read your words. I cannot express how wonderful it has been to have the support, encouragement, shoulders to cry on, and love that you all have given to me. Some of you were even able to make me laugh when all I felt like doing was cry. I’d honestly have to say I’m grateful. Yep, now I know what grateful feels like and I am, grateful, to all of you for helping me get through such a horrible day.

I heard from my parents yesterday in the form of a piece of mail. My husband got the mail and I hear him say “wow” – or maybe more of a “whoa” from downstairs in my office. He comes down and hands me an envelope and says “I didn’t expect this.” I’m sure at that moment we both thought it was a thank you card, probably something simple, non-emotional or maybe even guilt laden. I really wasn’t ready to deal with her guilt at that moment and made a comment about my day being ruined. Little did I know what I was about to deal with.

I opened the envelope and in it was a folder 8.5 x 11 piece of paper wrapped around the gift card I sent and the pictures of my son. Typed on the paper in bold letters were two words – NO THANKS.

I went numb. I cried. I went numb. I cried. I went back and fourth. Hubby hugged me. Part of me wanted him to leave so I could just break down and have an all out bawl.

We talked and talked for hours – trying to figure out how to handle it. He wanted to call them and give them a piece of his mind. I honestly think he was more pissed than me. I told him that doing that would only give them the opportunity to hurt me more. We still have not come to a conclusion on how to respond or if to respond.

Thing is, I kind of expected it. I thought they would send it back unopened with “return to sender” on the outside. That would not have surprised me. For them to accept an olive branch after they calliously ignored our birthdays? That is just too much for them. That would mean admitting that their daugther “did the right thing.” That would mean shallowing their pride. But the fact that they opened it, looked at the pictures of my sweet little innocent 17 month old son – their only grandson – and returned them is totally beyond my comprehension. And the cold and calculated maneuver of typing those two words instead of hand writing them – sheesh – I don’t even know how to process that.

What kind of person does this? What kind of person punishes a child, their only grandson, because they are mad at their daughter? It takes a cold heart in my opinion. And mad at me – for what? For sheepishly standing up for myself. For saying “hey mom, I love you, but could you please respect my ability to make good choices for my son and stop criticizing me?” Could you please offer me some support as I’m trying to recover from a c-section, handle a colicky baby, learn to breastfeed, and attempt to go back to work at my home office way to soon but out of necessity? Could you do that mom? Obviously not. She is not capable.

If she is not capable of that, if she is not capable of unconditional love and of putting her childs needs first – and her grandchilds – than why on earth did she adopt me in the first place. I am not a possession for her to control and manipulate – I am a human being with feelings – feelings that have constantly been ridiculed, mocked, ignored and beaten down.

Or maybe, as one of my favorite adoptees has suggested was the case with her – I was supposed to be a band-aid for her fertility problems and I just never lived up to that baby that died. A few years ago, during a political debate with her and discussing trial lawyers and the right of parents to sue doctors, she told me that if her doctor had not screwed up 30-some years ago she would have had a different child. That comment landed me in my therapists office the next day.

A dear sweet online adoptee who I greatly admire said “Stop handing them a loaded gun and saying, shoot me again.”

Well stick a fork in it mom – I’m done. I’m done with letting you hurt me. I’m done with listening to you make fun of me. I’m done with your self-centered behavior. I’m done with your bullying. I’m done with your manipulation. I’m done with your controlling habits. You crossed the line when you denied my son. It is your loss.

Today is a new day. I made it through the worst, with a lot of help, but today I move on. Today I learn to walk proud. Proud of the mother I am, proud of the person I am, proud of the friend I am to others. Today I start to heal.