1st Support Group Meeting

January 19, 2007 at 2:38 pm 9 comments

So it turns out that there is a triad support group right down the street from where I live – literally – 7 blocks away. I found out about it because someone on a forum I belong to attends meetings there – an AP. I went last night and it was really nice – approx. 12 people, 3 first moms, maybe 8 adoptees and the one AP. I know it must be hard for her to hear the stuff that is talked about but she eagerly listened, really gets it and I’m glad she’s doing it for her kids. It really is refreshing and somewhat healing to know some APs who are open to what we experience and open their hearts in order to help their kids. I know some adoptees who just hate all APs and I told my hubby yesterday that it’s good for me to have some friends who are APs because otherwise it would be all to easy for me to lump them together and hate them all. It seems for every one I meet online that understands, there are 10 that don’t – I don’t care what they think of me – but I do feel concern and sadness for what their children could potentially have to deal with – I know it all to well.

All of the adoptees are in reunion except one – she used an intermediary to contact both parents and both turned her down. How incredibly sad. I tried to prepare myself for that as an inevitable outcome but how can you? I think logically we all know it can happen but you are really really hoping for that warm fuzzy reunion – and then to have BOTH doors slammed in your face? Where does one go after that? Do you continue regardless? It took my first mother six months to want to meet me. I knew her address and remember fantasizing about staking out in front of her house just to catch a glimpse of her – not to barge into her life – but just to see her in person. I’m glad it never came to that and that she eventually found the strength to meet me.

The stories at the group were all fascinating – everyone was wonderful and welcoming. It’s so invigorating to be in a room full of people that you know understand you. I told my story – which really – when I step back and hear it like it’s not my own – is also pretty damn fascinating. I surprised myself by getting teary when asked if my APs were supportive of me. I really thought I could talk about what happened matter-of-factly. But no – I had to hold back the tears. That caught me a little off guard and makes me aware that I’m more hurt than I allowed myself to believe.

We live these bizarre lives, uprooted completely and replanted elsewhere – sometimes where we DON’T belong, filled with identity issues, loss, fear, the unknown, loyalty issues, trust issues, relationship problems, fear of rejection and abandonment, playing the “good child” at our own expense because we feel we have to in order to emotionally survive – we live it – and we make it through – we survive it – somehow. I’ve realized lately that I’m a hell of a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. This strength will get me through, yet again, one more issue.

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I’m Free Can I Just Get Through A Week?

9 Comments Add your own

  • 1. LeRoy Dissing  |  January 19, 2007 at 3:33 pm

    Good for you Dory….It is easy for me to say that if I had been adopted and I knew where my real mom lived that I wouldn’t just go up and knock on her door and introduce myself. BUT I know it can’t be easy because of what you and others know and feel and risk. Your voices help sensitize the rest of us who work in this field (child welfare) to what adoptees, their aparents and parents are going through or will eventually one day face. Thank you for sharing such intimate details of your life…I know you are doing it primarly for your own journey but others are benefitting too!

    Reply
  • 2. Wraith  |  January 19, 2007 at 6:02 pm

    Having people who have walked a similar road before you is one of the best sources of strength you can have and it sounds like you have a very diverse group there.
    Even though there is a huge onine community for support, there is something added to be able to look into anothers eyes and share your pain/fears/joy with them and know they understand, to see that understanding in their eyes.
    This is great news. I wish you luck.

    Reply
  • 3. Paula O.  |  January 20, 2007 at 12:17 am

    WOW. I’m so glad you shared this, Dory. If you could have seen me reading your first paragraph, you would have seen my head nodding in agreement with virtually every sentence. I think it’s absolutely wonderful that this kind of support group exists – one that includes all members of the triad. I will have to investigate to see if anything like this exists around our area.

    I agree with LeRoy D., your strength no doubt is helping others navigate along their own paths, too.

    Thank you, Dory.

    Reply
  • 4. Amyadoptee  |  January 20, 2007 at 5:27 am

    Amen lady amen

    Reply
  • 5. elizabeth  |  January 20, 2007 at 10:58 pm

    I don’t know why I sometimes have problems posting comments, maybe this one will show up.

    anyway, the support group sounds good. Wish there was one in my area.

    And yes I agree we live some bizarre lives. Truth stranger than fiction and all that.

    Reply
  • 6. joy21  |  January 21, 2007 at 3:44 am

    somehow. I’ve realized lately that I’m a hell of a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. This strength will get me through, yet again, one more issue.

    Yup

    We are wonderful.

    Reply
  • 7. LeRoy Dissing  |  January 21, 2007 at 1:07 pm

    Joy…I have never doubted it – that being how wonderful you all are!

    Reply
  • 8. Chez  |  January 21, 2007 at 11:49 pm

    Hi Dory,
    Just found you through some of the lovely people above!!!
    Lovely to find another adoptee – I’ll stick around – if you don’t mind??!!
    Glad you’ve found an “in person” support group.
    I also found one – that had disbanded for awhile – but I managed to talk them into starting it all up again. (yep – I’m like a dog with a bone – never giving up!!!)
    Thanks for you blog.
    Hugs,
    C.

    Reply
  • 9. miassavinggrace  |  January 25, 2007 at 6:30 pm

    I’m so glad you found a group, and so close! Yeaaaa!!!!

    Reply

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