Can I Just Get Through A Week?

February 20, 2007 at 11:06 pm 12 comments

I wonder, if I were not to visit any adoption forums, keep my TV turned off, not open the newspaper and eliminate myself entirely from the internet how many days could pass with there not being any reference made to adoption in my presence? Lately it seems like not many and it’s wearing me down. I come online when I’m ready to read and write about adoption – it is my choice at that moment. But I don’t like being ambushed with the topic when it’s not my choice. It ruins my day.

Now in defense of the people who refer to it in my presence, most don’t know I’m adopted and I usually don’t bring it up during said conversation.

Let’s see, this past week alone – Sunday before last at a 6-yr-olds birthday party. Sitting at the dinner table with hubby, hubby’s uncle and two people I just met. They were trying to make pleasant conversation by asking where we moved from. When I told them, I got the “my son lives there – oh, him and his wife just adopted a Russian girl” – then the ohhhh’s and ahhhh’s went around. “Yes, they are adopting another one.”

Friday – our sitter shows up – we go out every other Friday evening. She preceeds to tell us how she spent the past week caring for a 10-month old who was just adopted from Guatemala. The mom just got back with her and works so she is interviewing nannies and the kids is being passed around to different nannies all week. Oh, and she’s adopting another one next month who is two months older.

Saturday – at an indoor toddler playground with hubby and son. Run into cousin’s husband and child who explains cousin isn’t there because she had to drive in the snowstorm late last night to pick up her friends so-and-so who just returned from Guatemala with two children under the age of one.

I just don’t know how to react to these little adoption stories. I swear it’s almost as if people tell you these things and then take a long pause because they are so used to the “ohhhhhh, isn’t that special” speech that immediately follows. The only thing I manage to spill from my lips is a “hmm” – not even a long “hmmmmm” – just a “hmm” with a half smile. I can’t say what I really want to say. How on earth would they understand that the mere mention of a child being “saved” from a 3rd world country makes me sad?

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1st Support Group Meeting The Date Is Set

12 Comments Add your own

  • 1. JJJJJJJJJJJJJJ  |  February 21, 2007 at 1:18 am

    Ummmm. Yeah. At what point is it appropriate to ask a pregnant lesbian who the father is? I need some help here.

    Reply
  • 2. Elizabeth  |  February 21, 2007 at 4:48 am

    Oh geeze this crap seems to happen to me all the f’ing time at work where, unfortunately, it is not appropriate for me to go into a “I Hate Adoption” rant.

    However, anywhere else, dinner party, grocery store, bring it on! I’m ready to spew all anti-adoption venom I can muster. Actually makes me feel good, but I’m bitchy that way.

    Reply
  • 3. Possum  |  February 21, 2007 at 9:33 pm

    Yep.
    Agree.
    It’s driving me NUTS. (and that’s the very polite version!!)
    Hugs, Possum. (formally Chez!!)

    Reply
  • 4. bijousodyssey  |  February 21, 2007 at 10:23 pm

    unfortunately we cannot expect the general public, who is barraged by happy fuzzy warm stories of saving third world children through transplantation to american suburbia, to understand the negative and loss of adoption. If we do open our mouths we come across as pure evil.

    if people want to help children, work on fixing the root cause of why children in these countries are abandoned. I honestly dont think that most adopters who adopt transnationally care anything about the welfare of these countries
    just avoid watching lifetime for the next couple of weeks 🙂

    Reply
  • 5. miassavinggrace  |  February 22, 2007 at 1:07 am

    LMAO at Justice (JJJJJ) up there.

    I get this though. Sometimes it is just too freaking much. Makes you want to scream sometimes.

    Reply
  • 6. JJJJJJJJJJJJJJ  |  February 22, 2007 at 1:11 am

    More help please. What does LMAO mean?

    Reply
  • 7. Possum  |  February 22, 2007 at 10:42 am

    JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ – LMAO = “laugh my ass off”
    Hugs, Poss.

    Reply
  • 8. dorygirl  |  February 22, 2007 at 2:14 pm

    JJJJJJJJJ – just tell them that god gave you the baby – that it was all part of his plan and he didn’t think the baby needed a father since he is the father of all.

    Reply
  • 9. Sarah  |  February 23, 2007 at 2:49 am

    Brack!

    If they really wanted to do some good, then leave the child with his people and give your 30 thousand dollars to his Guatemalan and/or Russian family. That should support him for the rest of his life! Why take him for your own and completely mess up his sense of identity? But of course all the warm and fuzziness isn’t in that. People just need to feel like heroes.

    Reply
  • 10. JJJJJJJJJJJJJJ  |  February 23, 2007 at 10:51 pm

    It’s not me that’s a pregnant lesbian, at least not this lifetime. But I was sitting next to a very sweet mother to be a few days ago. The question keeps rolling around in my mind ever since. If I get to speak to her again, maybe I’ll just go ahead and ask her. I’m working to condition myself to ask questions instead of jumping in with MY opinion, so as not to alienate. I hope.

    Reply
  • 11. momseekingpeace  |  March 4, 2007 at 5:22 am

    What I find so hard is that I feel I have an almost moral obligation to speak the truth when I hear fuzzy warm stories and sometimes it just feels like so much effort, not only that but once the truth is out, it seems like its never just a short conversation. But its so hard to sit through hearing people talk about “the good stuff” without speaking up.

    I once joined a moms group, because of the nature of it, thought I could have a circle of friends where it would not be an issue, but of course I was sadly mistaken and got “yelled” at online because I disagreed with someone about adoption. I unjoined, I didnt want to deal with the hostility.

    Incase you are wondering the group was continum parenting, and yes even they adopt and in fact there was a surrogacy happening in the very group I was in, no couldnt take it.
    MSP

    Reply
  • 12. reunionwritings  |  March 7, 2007 at 8:40 pm

    Isn’t it amazing how many people take the warm fuzzy attitude to adoption?

    I will congratulate someone if they have adopted because it’s done now and I don’t want to bad vibe them or the baby but I remember a girl I went to school with was going to adopt twins and then she got pregnant so just dumped them.

    I am not really warm and fuzzy about adoption, I always think of the family that gets left behind.

    Reply

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