Posts filed under ‘xmas’

1st xmas sans afamily

My relationship with my aparents has ebbed and flowed over the years since I was a teen. Basically as long as I am being the good daughter and not questioning them, everything is okay. Shortly after my son was born I decided to stand up for myself after one to many criticisms from my mother. This didn’t go over very well and basically, we have barely spoken since.

I did go to their house for xmas last year but afterwards was accused of being cold. I guess since most of my attention was being paid to my son, that makes me cold. The only thing I had asked for for xmas last year (as we are required to make lists) was a couple of baby pictures of me. I don’t have any baby pictures and for some reason my mother has always been oddly possessive about photos yet keeps them in a shoebox in the back of a desk in the basement. Being adopted and always wondering who I looked like — my desire to compare myself as a baby to my son was something I looked forward to doing. I had wanted to make a triple frame with E’s picture in the middle and a pic of me and my husband on each side. I never mentioned the big bad “adoption” word to my mom, just stated that I wanted to make a frame with the three of us. So when it came time for me to get my present, I get handed a big box. I open it and it is filled with pictures of me from adoption to teen years (even the duplicates), my old report cards, drawings I did as a child, cards that I made for them and my baby book. My mother said “there you go, there’s your life in box.” Um, hello, I still have a life. It didn’t end when I moved out. I don’t know, maybe I took it the wrong way. I didn’t say anything in the moment but it just felt like they were trying to purge themselves of me. I just wanted a few baby pictures, and they gave back cards I made for them? I guess they didn’t want them anymore. Or maybe they were trying to say “see how much you loved us when you were a good little girl.” It was all I could do to hold back the tears — both of elation for finally seeing a picture of me as a baby (two months being the youngest pic, all I had seen before that was a year old), of sadness for that little baby, knowing she had recently lost her first family and of feeling rejected by my parents.

My parents birthdays both passed this last summer. I sent them presents and called to wish them happy birthday. My son’s 1st birthday was also this summer and they sent him presents and I called to thank them and sent them pictures of him. That is the last time we have spoke. Both my husband and I had birthdays in November and my parents chose to not even send a card. No card, but a pretty big statement, huh? I debated how to handle xmas. After much thought and discussion with hubby, I decided to send them a card with multiple pics of our son and a combo present for both of them. Well xmas came and went, no card from them, no phone call to wish us a Merry Christmas, no gift for my son — their only grandson. You know what, they suck! It’s one thing for them to be mad at me and take their anger out on me by not acknowledging my birthday but it’s another to punish my husband and worse yet to not even acknowledge their grandson on Christmas. How’s that for good Christian family values? And the thing is, at this point, I hope they don’t call because I don’t even know how I would handle it.


December 26, 2006 at 9:06 pm 11 comments


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