Sooooooo, biologically speaking…..
Seems most other adoptee blogs have one post or another about adoption language. So I thought I’d throw in my two cents.
The really honest (and hurt) side of me just wants to say a big FU to anyone who tells me what terms I should be using – that goes to adoption “professionals”, APs and first parents – all of you. I didn’t ask for any of this so who are you to tell me how I should refer to certain members of this arena? Especially when most of what adoptees say are ignored and oftentimes we are still treated and viewed as children.
And then the empathetic side of me says “okay, what term doesn’t hurt you?” and I’ll refer to you as that because I don’t like hurting so I certainly wouldn’t ever want to purposely hurt someone else. I really do understand why certain terms bother people – I can see the meaning behind the language. In real life I just use the term mother – for either one. When writing, as we all know, to make the reader aware of which mother we are referring to, we need to use some sort of descriptor. Obviously “adoptive” is okay and correct for my amom. So that leaves the other mother…….
I’ve used many terms over my life and moreso the past few years. Lately I tend to use “first” more often than any other one as it is deemed acceptable and in essence, it is true. But I’d like to discuss the word “biological.” I’ve heard a lot of people say that biological reduces her to only that. This bothers me. Why? Because to me, and this is MY opinion only (I hate having to feel I need to preface stuff with that but), biology is not a reduction in any sense. Biology to me would be at the top of the life pyramid. Biology to me means creation. She created me biologically – there was no other way. I am flesh of her flesh – her blood pumps through my heart – her DNA is inside of me – I am her feet and her hands and her walk and her hips and so much more. I have personality traits that are biological. I am of German and French ancestry due to biology. My eye color, my hair color, my freckles are all from biology – there is no nurturing involved in what I look like.
And then I add my son to the mix. My son, who was created by me and his father, in only one way – biologically. I love that he is genetically linked to me. I love that he has my red hair and fair skin and even my three dimples – two on one side and one on the other. I gave that to him. I love that I look at him and see his mommy in miniature. He really lucked out too – he got the best parts of both of us and is absolutely beautiful. I see no reduction there and I am proud beyond belief that he is my biological son and I am his biological mother – and of course, just mom in real life.
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